There are a few fallacies, common beliefs that undermine resilience, that it’s worth detailing briefly. The first, linked to the personalising is the fallacy of always being right. This can be a persistent belief for those who have developed the habit and it makes contradictory evidence very hard to accept. There is the fallacy of ‘heavens reward.’ A great many of us expect sacrifice and self denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping track of our various deeds. Then when this expectation isn’t met we become resentful and cynical.
Two others are the fallacy of change and the fallacy of fairness. The fallacy of change is the expectation that we will be able to change people. The fallacy of fairness is our belief that we understand what is fair and other people don’t. This leads to resentment and makes relationships very hard to sustain.
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